AN OPEN LETTER to Those Leaving Covenant Commitments

PS 18:25
To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
PS 18:26
to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.

A common illusion in our society is that breaking commitments is not a problem, as long as some other party has done something which has hurt our feelings, and thereby relieved us of obligation. Divorce comes immediately to mind, and in fact in some groups is assumed to occur naturally once enough offenses and pain have accumulated to warrant it. Business contracts can be more problematic, what with everything in writing, but the right legal counsel can usually work it's magic in the end. Elderly parents and young children are other groups left with great abandon, first emotionally and then often physically. In the area of romance, which for centuries was structured by the rules of formal courtship, dating has become the norm, which for the sake of clarity should actually be called “divorce rehearsal”. In all of these areas, covenant serves feelings (self), rather than self being submitted to and bound by law and covenant. Of course, many would reject such counsel, harsh and narrow minded as it is, since it implies and rests on a framework of law & truth apart from and in judgment upon human experience.

A critique of the antinomian life and it's consequences is beyond the scope of this letter, however, and has already been done by much greater minds than current company. I will, therefore, address the particular event of the leaving of a formal relationship where, having pledged commitment publicly and covenantally, exit is made secretly with little apparent thought to covenantal commitments.

The Scripture teaches that we can know God because He had made a covenant with us, wherein He swears by His own great name to reveal Himself truly and unchangeably in a way we can understand. He will not, therefore, go hide or give us the silent treatment when He gets His feelings hurt or is offended by some transgression of ours. Rather, in the consistency of His own character, he responds according to the terms and conditions of the covenant. Thus, the Psalmist teaches in the first three stanzas of Psalm 18:25,26 what we were taught in Sunday School. God is faithful, blameless and pure, and when we respond to Him in faith and humility like a little child, we can wholly trust in His gracious regard. What the teacher might well have left out (because it was too complicated or a little scary, perhaps) is that the crooked also receive a consistent, covenantal response. Since God isn't a crook, but the giver of law, He responds in a completely faithful, blameless, pure and shrewd way.

shrewd (shru¯d) adj., shrewd·er, shrewd·est.
1. Characterized by keen awareness, sharp intelligence, and often a sense of the practical.

Thus does my dictionary describe the response that few, if any, commitment leavers meditate on as they walk out the door and down the steps of their marriage, their church membership, their sworn friendship or some other solemn and public commitment they have made. Whether hurt, angry or simply numb, they focus on the failure of others to make them happy, fulfill their expectations (or whatever), and they keep on walking. God, being shrewd, let's them go. No lightning bolts typically hit the cheating husband as he drives off with his latest find. The offended church member meets no tire slashers in the next church parking lot. The murderer might find the law in hot pursuit, but the father who gradually abandons his children by working nights and weekends so he can buy a bigger boat gets no knock from a police detective. In short, life goes on, and the memory of the abandoned spouse, church, friend, child, parent, ______ (fill in the blank) gradually fades. All might not be well, but it is normal again, and we can deal with normal... and God, being shrewd, waits patiently for the right time to prove that His word is true.

Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

“Of course,” say the Commitment Leavers. “Of course, we know this-- do you take us for the fool? But this so-called wisdom does not apply here, for we are completely justified in our acts. It was their fault, and we had to go. The situation had become intolerable. God, if He exists, would never have forced us to stay.” Indeed. So there are marriages which, having been publicly destroyed by the unrepentant, must lead to divorce. There are friendships despised, and churches which have abandoned their charter, and a host of other commitments which for righteous reasons must be left, for the walls are blown out, the doors down and the steps crumbling. These things are not in view here. Rather, covenants lawfully entered must be exited according to the terms agreed. Otherwise, the God Who created the idea of shrewdness begins to prepare a harvest of appropriate fruit.

There is more. In the garden the first man and woman were beautiful and clean and perfect. They were not, however, particularly shrewd. As generations passed and sin devastated the world they once ruled, God revealed His plan for redemption using metaphors and other literary devices we can all understand. Our spiritual enemy became a dragon, beautiful yet terrifying and ready to devour. Our Redeemer was revealed as a lion, a powerful and unchallenged ruler among beasts. We, the people of God and former vice regents (in Adam) of creation became... sheep. Sheep aren't shrewd, either. In fact, they are generally dumb, helpless, and constantly running about without a plan or clue. In a world of danger where predators roam the fields they graze, sheep must have a shepherd to survive. Commitment leavers, though they foolishly imagine otherwise, attempt to leave the Shepherd and make it on their own. In this they err, and then compound the error, for they don't consider that God is shrewd and intends to use their broken commitments to grow a harvest which will teach them, sometimes painfully, what they must do to repent and return.

As always, the Scripture does not leave us confused and wondering how to tell if our leavings are faithful, pure and blameless. Rather, Christ left His disciples in order to fulfill and not abandon the covenant, and did so perfectly. In the ultimate sacrifice of self on the cross, He showed how leaving must fulfill both the great command¬ment and the second. If we truly leave commitments because we love God first and are seeking the ultimate good of our neighbor (though there is heartache in the short term) then we do well and follow in Christ's steps. If our motives are less than that, and especially if they masquerade as holy while cloaking selfish or secret sins, then we can be sure that the Shrewd One is watering and growing, and our harvest of mockery awaits its season.

I will be clear- this letter is written to both warn and encourage. Its goal is to edify and build up those who have perhaps left or are considering leaving wrongly, and so to woo them back to the only One who can save and protect them. To that end, I propose three tests and a promise before a commitment is withdrawn or relationship ended, and will lay them out in brief. Before then, however, I must address the thoughts of that reader who, though he assent to the logic of the arguments, still sees no need to be concerned in his (or her) own case, because, well, this letter simply doesn't apply. For that reader, let us return for one moment to the fulcrum of history, the cross and resurrection.

In a recent movie about the passion of the Christ, the ultimate mocker (Satan) appears in the form of a woman with shaved head and piercing eyes, watching the beating and bloody torture from a distance. The hint of a smile twists her mouth as the cross approaches, and it is easy to imagine the smug and triumphant thoughts which lie behind the eyes. “All proceeds by my plan,” the look seems to say. “Soon He will be dead and broken.” Then, at the moment of Christ's finished work, the camera cuts to high above the woman as she bends to the ground and lets lose a mighty roar of pain & agony. Stricken, crushed, Satan has suddenly realized that what was to be his greatest victory has become his doom. He who shrewdly tricked the woman has now been caught and destroyed by the woman's seed! The harvest has come, and the mocker has no mockery left, but only screams of rage and defeat. May such a fate never be ours! May we never disdain the covenantal requirements of such a God Who, with pure and blameless shrewdness, so precisely condemns His enemies to eternal torment with the very schemes and instruments they would use against Him. Truly, we are sheep, and we need our Shepherd.

How then might we be sure to stay the course of our covenantal commitments, since there are so many ways we are tempted to leave them? Here are the three tests and a promise:

1. Pray- for wisdom to truly understand what one's commitments are, for discernment to tell if others have already broken them and most of all for the Holy Spirit to test the motives of our hearts. As the Teacher said in Proverbs 20:27 “The lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.” The Spirit uses God's word to reveal our hearts, for He knows us better than we know ourselves. Then, when the Spirit does reveal our true motives, we must take Him seriously, and change our course as required, for He is shrewd and not to be trifled with.

2. Wait- this is hard but necessary. Further study may be required, more prayer may need to be prayed or some circumstance may yet pass which will make everything clear. Remember that in the wisdom and shrewdness of God, His response to commitment leavers is not described as an arrow shot, but a harvest reaped. Thus is God's graceful forbearance proven, and His pure and blameless faithfulness revealed, for He gives us time to reflect and reconsider, and amend our wrong departures.

3. Seek- the counsel, the resources, the information needed to make a wise choice. “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22. Make sure counselors have proven their wisdom, and that sources are trustworthy, and don't be afraid to ask one to evaluate by the Scriptures the advice of another. After all, the commitment in view was not entered lightly, so a potential departure deserves full and thoroughgoing reflection.

4. Finally, believe- when the decision must be made, fully trust in the grace of God. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back...” Jeremiah 29:13,14. Our God of shrewd and loving grace, the Shepherd of our souls, will not toy with us when we truly seek to honor our covenants, though such honoring be however hard and painful. He knows us, and He knows what we can take & what we cannot, and has promised by His own great Name to neither leave the weak nor allow them to be tempted beyond their measure. Believe in the Commitment Keeper, for though He left in death and sorrow, He returned in a triumph of power & life, and one day by the word of His promise He will return again to take us with Him forevermore.

"Yes, I am coming soon." Amen.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Revelation 22:20